Every month, a close relative of mine announces her intentions to start her new business. She enters the room with an overload of enthusiasm and zeal, getting everyone excited. And then she, loudly, proclaims the news: " I FOUND A GRANT ONLINE THAT WILL FUND MY NEW BUSINESS. I AM GOING TO BE AN ENTREPRENUER AND WILL SOON BE VERY RICH!!!!" The very first time she did this, we all jumped up with joy! "That's amazing!! We are so proud of you". The second time she exclaimed that she was about to open her business, we all jumped up again. We were quite sure that this time she was going to finally follow through. But then there was a third time and a fourth time. There was even a fifth and a sixth. Finally, on the seventh declaration of this exciting new business venture, I turned to her and said, "I don't want to hear another announcement from you about this business unless it is an invitation to your opening night!". I turned and walked away. Don't get me wrong, I was not aiming to be rude. But I realized that the reason she never got her business going is because she was always "high" off the adrenaline and dopamine from the attention and animation we would give her from the announcements. After hearing congratulations from everyone, there was no real need to really open the business because she has received all of the warm and fuzzy feelings from the announcement, itself. Rewarding ourselves is not the most effective part of the self-care work. Rewards come as a result of achievement and hard work. A reward is what you receive after you have successfully completed as task or endeavor. It is something you earn. Many of us like to jump straight into the pampering and rewarding part of self-care, which is celebratory. I encourage self-rewards, but I would be remiss if I failed to warn you of the danger of premature and unmerited celebration.
You fall into self-deception when you celebrate things you have not accomplished. James 1:22-25 says, "But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was". So often, we get so caught up in the excitement that we feel when God shows us what He wants us to have or experience that we forget to actually do what it takes to get there. I call this premature celebration. Research from LibreTexts Medicine confirms that when you reach a goal, your body releases all four of the "feel good" hormones into the blood stream. The thing to be careful about is that your brain cannot tell the difference between your excitement from celebrating a real achievement or the excitement from just announcing it. All your brain knows is that you are excited, thus it rewards you by releasing the feel-good hormones. Also, you get extra doses of these hormones upon hearing the well-wishes and accolades from those you have told. Receiving this inner reward when you have not done the work to achieve anything robs you of the true motivation to actually do the work that's required to reach the goal. This is why the Bible says for us to be doers of the word and not just hearers, because we deceive ourselves.
Making your God-given dreams a reality is one of the best forms of self-care in which you can indulge. As the research stated, every neurotransmitter in the brain is triggered with the interplay of all of the "feel-good" hormones. That's such a wonderful reward for your esteem and mental health. Though it is rewarding, it is the most difficult thing to do. There is a process that you must commit to in order to get to your goal. In most cases, your lifestyle may need to change to get there. And more often than not, if the goal is truly worthwhile, the changes are neither quick nor easy. This is why so many never stick to the path to success, and why so many others never even try. But may I submit to you that you will never be completely happy if you do not allow yourself to pursue the thing that God has put in your heart. Instead of focusing on the rewarding feeling you get from the desired results, you must focus on falling in love with the process and the change.
When you are changing your life, you must love the change itself and not just the results. Waiting on the actualization of a result in order to be happy is a set up for either misery or failure. Don't confuse being excited about the process with celebrating the achievement.
Here is some practical advice and reasonings for/about embracing the process:
Never make public or formal announcements about the exciting things that you have coming. Not only is it detrimental to introduce your goals and plans to others to avoid ill-wishes, but your brain will feel the excitement and release those hormones that reward you prematurely. Remember, motivation drops immediately when this happens as your brain is tricked into thinking the thing has already happened.
Never spend hours sitting and dreaming about the life you want. Although visualization is an awesome practice for manifestation, it can also become dangerous in that you can overdose on the feeling of attaining the goal. Many people spend lots of time visualizing and feeling the success of something that has not yet happened which causes stagnation when it's time to make the necessary moves.
Limit your time on social media. Social media has a way of sucking us into an emotional vortex of living vicariously through the lives of others. Watching so many others living the life you desire over and over tends to invoke the same excitement that tricks your brain into releasing those reward hormones. I suggest going to social media for a little inspiration, if necessary, but do NOT dwell there for long periods of time.
All of the new and challenging changes that will require you to exercise more discipline will be much easier to do if you romanticize the tasks. For example, if physical exercise is something that you must do to reach your new goal, but you hate doing it, try creating a playlist of your favorite music or podcasts to listen to as you get moving. Take yourself on a pleasant drive to your favorite smoothie shop afterwards for a quick treat. Knowing that you get to spend some productive time listening to your favorite shows and will relax with your favorite healthy juice afterwards now makes exercising a pleasure instead of a drag. All of the tasks you dislike, or fancy less can be romanticized by including something that makes it more enjoyable.
Instead of prematurely celebrating a reward that has not been earned, you should just learn to enjoy the journey. Skipping steps to the process will only lead to you having to repeat them. Even if you happen to somehow make it to the goal, you will feel like an imposter and lack confidence. You won't be at peace. And what good is an accomplishment if you can't enjoy it?
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